People are taught to place epileptics in the recovery position when they appear to be having a fit. My experience of this is that it just shows individuals unwitting and remarkably ironic incompetence, for in reality being forced into the recovery position left me feel contorted, uncomfortable and isolated. Constant contact with me and conversation is far more reassuring than the medical, unemotional, detached process of being put into a position not many people understand. I broke the recovery position down, taking the individual movements and repeating them/exaggerating them to expose to the audience the uncomfort I associate it with. Furthermore I hope the staccato nature of the sequence
I am taking back control of the fit through my piece, by exploring it on my own terms and using controlled positions to express it, so Julia and I were discussing how I can take this further by seeing how much I can control within the piece in its entirety, through lights and sound. This will take a great deal of experimentation because I don't want to jeopardise my movement and choreography by trying to control too much, but possibly that is the whole point?
Why make a piece about something? Why not make it IT? My whole structure will be a fit. Sections and fragments which reflect a part of the fit.
Discussion with Julia led me to realise the importance of making the piece UGLY. In my initial show back in week 6, I performed about 5 minutes of falling/stress positions/wavering to mechanical music, stretching out certain stress positions and keeping them precise. The fall was natural, as I would let my legs give way and allow my body to fall as organically as I could, without hurting myself, which resulted in a kind of flop to one side, landing first on my thigh and once this was attained, allowing the rest of my body to gently hit the ground. This worked in regards to exploration, and examining what affects the process had on those watching - the stress positions when held for a very long time undermined the audience's expectations of how long something should be sustained on stage within 'theatre time', thus leaving them feeling uncomfortable which was what I hoped to achieve - however as Julia explained and I had thought, it was too beautiful; the word swan was used, and although an element of beauty is not a problem, I don't believe this truly reflects the elements of a seizure I want to explore. A truthful seizure is ugly, abstract, contorted, and stress positions and falls which emphasise these will be more affecting for my audience to watch. This introduces a definite element of artificiality, because I will no longer be falling naturally but instead breaking down these falls and exaggerating the disjointed fragments. I am going to emphasise the particularity and really run with that. Each position will not be like yoga but ugly and unnaturally but utterly controlled, and though they shall remain stagnant I will pulse inside them, ensuring the animation of a fit is not lost. This also pays homage to an orgasm.
Idea
FALLING. Falling when going backwards into a crab. Falling when losing control of you body. The sensation of falling. A fear of falling. Falling to the floor. Mimicked falling. Genuine falling. Controlled falling. A broken down fall. A fall which is broken. Aim I want to see how far I can push myself. So far in this process I have been examining how much strain my body can endure. Throughout all my experimentation I have focused on these strains as physical manifestations in the form of 'stress positions' and literal falling over, and how much of this bodily excursion I can endure before (or in some cases actually) hurting myself and harming my muscles. I think this is because when hearing the phrase "push yourself" I tend to associate that with the physical excursion of say, an athlete, and so consequently everything I have produced so far has been limited to the exploration of my visible body. But in doing so I realised that I have (and potentially consciously) neglected to explore my fear of falling. For myself personally, it would be more of a challenge to mentally allow myself to fall into a bridge, than to physically hold myself there. My experiment for this workshop is no less literal- I will still be moving and enduring stress positions- however I want to do so in ways that focus on the journey my mind goes on when committing to these stress positions, with a key focus on how far I can push it beyond its traditional capabilities, or at least what I believe in my mind I am capable of. Activities Repeatedly attempt getting into the stress position CRAB, from standing, by bending backwards, with and without assistance from both other people and props. Materials My body, a wooden floor, a bed with a mattress, a chair, assistants. Timing Maintain this activity over the course of 2 hours until either I have completed the challenge, or my body has exhausted itself. This of course may occur before my mind is exhausted and vice versa. Documentation http://youtu.be/ifiln487824 Reflection and evaluation I did not realise how genuinely scared I was of falling backwards into a bridge and hurting my neck. I have a fear of losing control and banging my head off of the floor or breaking my neck which is pretty much irrational, but it restricted my capabilities massively. I successfully got into a bridge backwards with the assistance of Sian and Aura, but only managed this once and it was not being documented at the time. I was however determined to succeed repeatedly and by myself, so decided to continue my attempts but at home with the use of my bed which acts as a safety mat. I find it interesting to note at this point that my seizures would generally always happen in my bed, and it would be out of my bed that I was afraid of falling. Therefore I find it funny that I am now returning to it in order to practice falling and within what I assume is my comfort zone. |