My installation was not consciously about my performance work, but rather was just an image of the night that came to my attention when asked to concentrate on my mind and what it chose to see. I don't know why it should have been the night, but it was. Although I didn't want to produce something literal when creating my installation, I did. My choice to attempt to create the image of a night sky, made of drawing pins which were penetrating a black bin bag, was very much a literal interpretation of my mind's wanderings. However, I believe this literal exploration left me with a final piece that was more telling than had I tried to be intentionally abstract. By concentrating on creating something that was superficially aesthetically pleasing, I neglected to notice the behaviour of the materials I was using when looking beyond their initial appearance. In making a pretty picture, I was leaving behind a scratching, jagged mismatched wall, that became of far more interest than my original concept. From the front these pins looked smooth and quite charming, yet underneath this and during their placement in the bin bag they had been ripping both the black sheet and my skin. A theme of suppression was therefore evident, and suppression in particular of penetrating, sharp obstacles. Suppressed underneath something forced, which mimicked a kind of tranquillity. | |
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"Epilepsy is caused by a sudden burst of excess electrical activity in the brain, causing a temporary disruption in the message-passing between brain cells" Physical stresses vs. Physical stresses The antithesis of my seizures (ABRUPT/VIOLENT/AGGRESSIVE/JARRING ) but with an equivalent amount of physical stress (CONTROL/ACCURACY/CONCENTRATION/PRECISENESS) and subsequent exhaustion Both unnatural https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUnI2BGyyUc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ausZg6DT_Ys https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvOKHdZhRS8 If I choose to use audio in my performance piece I know I want it to be mechanical, fragmented, ruptured, repetitive, distorted, jarring. The decision to incorporate it or not will come with experimentation. However I am certain that if possible, at some point I want to utilise audio to sonically sweep across the pinter, and heavy bass to vibrate the floor. When I began this project I knew I wanted it to come from somewhere within me, be autobiographical. I believe this to be very important when creating a piece of work which from the outset you are aware shall take months to produce. Having a personal touchstone allows your work to become and maintain a sense of life throughout the (long) weeks of exploration, hopefully sustaining your interest. As ego-centric beings, it is only natural that we become most impassioned about that which concerns us and our own personal experiences, and I'm not ashamed to admit I am no different. The topic of my epilepsy did not arrive instantly, for it is something I discuss so rationally, and lives in a part of my mind so far away from any performance previous. But once arrived at it seemed natural to dismantle and explore it. However, these personal touchstones, no matter how familiar, can also be detrimentally limiting to the creative process. It made me stuck in this epileptic ideas box. And I never wanted my performance to explicitly expose the epileptic undertones anyway. I like to talk my thoughts out loud, and key words would frequently arise. CONFINEMENT INVISIBLE DISABILITY ILLUSION BOXES STRESS POSITIONS MOVEMENT. Martin said to write these down, find their antonyms, and then take this huge bundle of words and explore those instead. My exploration was still stemming from my epilepsy, but from now on the ideas could flow horizontally, as well as vertically.
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